18 is a big number...

Life lately has been hard.  But I feel bad complaining since I really haven't had any big trials or anything.... my life is really good.  But for some reason I've had a hard time lately. I just feel crazy, like my life is out of control.  Good.... but out of control.  I know I can do better in all areas but I just haven't.  I found this little mood flipchart by Fred on the counter and it happened to have the perfect mood to describe how I've been feeling lately.

"Driven insane, or as if insane... Suffering loss of emotional control."  Yep.  That sums it up about right.  Except I'm not just suffering loss of emotional control.... I've lost control over my academics, my eating habits, my sleep, everything!  I'm a mess.  I am crazed.  The other day I lost my shoes.....AT SCHOOL!  I've lost it.  I've "shattered" as it says in the definition.  And you know what?  It is time to stop.  Just like in President Uchtdorf's talk.... STOP IT!  It is time for me to do better.  I need to stop being so lazy and just get to work.  And I'm going to do it.  Starting with my spiritual health and my physical health.  I think If I can get back into the habit of reading the scriptures every day and controlling what I eat (instead of at least four hostess cupcakes every sunday....) then maybe I can start to gain control over the rest of my life again.  Maybe then I can start on developing a habit of putting away my clothes and actually doing my homework.  Maybe then I can finally get it all together again.  Even as I write this I have a Stats project to work on due tomorrow, a Medical Anatomy final to study for that is tomorrow, and a 5-page history paper to write, plus a room without a visible floor, some unread scriptures by my bed, an acne covered face that would be fine if I'd just use my medication, and a sick stomach filled with hostess cupcakes.  Alright Cass.  It is time for a change.  Five months from now you will be eighteen years old.  It is time to grow up and start acting like an adult.  And I had to publicly tell the world here so that I actually have to get to work.  My own little silent promises are NOT working.  So I will be coming back weekly to report on my progress, more for me than for any of you.  This week's goal? Read the scriptures daily....five vs minimum... and run daily with Katelin.  That's  it.  Do-able right? And maybe that will help me start developing some self discipline and control.  It's about time.